Are you self-compassionate?

Compassion is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. We all show compassion towards others – our loved ones, people we work with, people we never met, even animals and plants when we see them suffer and we feel responsible for making them feel better somehow.  How often do we feel the same for self?

Self-Compassion and Self-criticism

Self-compassion is nothing but showing yourself compassion. Taking time to look at yourself, acknowledge your feelings, suffering, triumphs and respond with same compassion you’d show a loved one in such position. You tell yourself “I am doing a great job,” “I am a survivor,” “I love you,” and hug yourself if that is how you’d have comforted someone else.

The idea of self-compassion might seem ridiculous to some, a little weird to some, but we do not feel the same way about self – criticism. When you lose something, or things go wrong, you blame yourself, and many a time you are your worst critic. Have you ever told yourself “It is all my fault,” “loser,” “I am useless?” It is likely that, you have said things like this to yourself much more than someone else. When things go wrong, we take a ride on self-blame. We blame ourselves for a lot of things very easily. We blame ourselves for everything, for getting stuck in traffic, even for our favorite team losing in finals.

Over a period of time, this behaviour can turn into self-hate, self-flagellation (extreme criticism) even. You might have seen people who lost a loved one find a way to blame themselves. Unfortunately, it has become a trend among people who lost a loved one to Covid-19.

Our brain is wired to release stress hormones when we perceive something as a threat. Even if the threats are psychological. Self-criticism can lead to psychological threats triggering release of stress hormones. This process can drag you down as depression, anxiety, chronic stress takes over successfully.

Impact of self-compassion practice

Now imagine if habits like self-criticism is replaced by self-compassion. You practice to show yourself the kindness you’d show others in difficult times. Your chances of preventing or fighting stress, depression and anxiety becomes much higher. Dr Kristen Neff, Associate Professor, Educational Psychology Dept., University of Texas, conducted studies with many experts in the field during the last decade on self-compassion. According to Dr Neff when we practice self-compassion we activate our mammalian care-giving system resulting in release of hormones like oxytocin that improves mood, feeling of calm and safety.

By conscious practice of self-compassion, we can change our relationship with self – making it a positive and healthy one. We can train our brain to keep calm and learn to comfort ourselves when we are faced with challenges. Self-compassion practices help not only in treating conditions like depression, anxiety and stress but also in preventing them. In reaction to threat, individuals who are self-compassionate show greater emotional stability.

There are many self-compassion meditation practices that one can start with and by being compassionate to self even when met with minor concerns in day today life. However, if in case you are currently dealing with stress, anxiety or depression, it would be best to seek a professional to help you focusing on improving your wellbeing by therapy and guided practice.

Ref:

• Self-compassion and responses to negative social feedback: The role of fronto-amygdala circuit connectivity, Michael H. Parrish, Tristen K, et al.
• Self-compassion and psychological well-being, Kristin Neff.