Let go of the past
Is there something you haven’t been able to let go? No matter how much we try, memories of some experiences haunt many of us. Events that caused pain, such as a heated argument or loss of a loved one, or of a failure. Letting go of something that caused intense feelings is a challenge, especially, when the events made significant changes to our lives. However, we know letting go is important.
What happens when you don’t let go?
Each time you remember an experience that caused pain, a series of negative thoughts occur, followed by feelings of sadness, anger, hurt, or resentment. This may result in reliving the intense emotions, sometimes more intensely than originally felt, repeatedly. Similarly, when you try to relive an extremely happy memory, you yearn to feel the same way time and again making it difficult to be present in the now. Many are known to hold on to such positive events to avoid hurting in the present.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go.”
Herman Hesse
Grieving, feeling angry or being disappointed for some time is part of the process when unfavourable events occur, important even. However, it is important to also move on after. Otherwise, it transforms to stress, feelings of hopelessness, and more, making you miserable. Holding on to those emotions for a long time will affect both your mental and physical well-being. Further, it might not let you be fully functional and can also affect your relationships.
How to let go?
Start by understanding that letting go of something from the past, that is doing you harm can free you. You can choose to live in the present and look for positive experiences. You might find many opportunities to make your life meaningful and fulfilling.
While it is natural for memories to visit us time and again, how we engage with them is really up to us. If you are aware of something you haven’t let go, and you find yourself often ruminating about the past event, here are some things that can help you:
Commit to let go: It is very important to decide that you want to let go and commit to it. Use the year ending to let go of something you are holding on to and embark on a journey to live in the present fully in the new year.
Analyse your experience when you ruminate: Try and scan through the process of how you remembered the event and how thoughts hijacked your attention from the present and how you navigated from there on. What feelings did you feel? Now analyse their usefulness in the present – does it help you in anyway? Does it affect your health? Does it alter your mood? Is it really worth feeling this way? This could help you be more aware of the process itself, and make you stronger each time you analyse them.
Tools that can help let go: Forgiveness, self-compassion, repeating positive affirmations, fostering gratitude, journaling and mindfulness practices can all help in cultivating a practice of letting go and being in the present. Make a combination of practices that suit you and practice regularly.
Write down what you want: One of the common things any expert will ask you to do is to write down what you really want to do with the memories, why and how you want to let go. This helps reiterate to yourself what you really want and could be a very helpful exercise. You could go back and read it whenever you feel it’ll help.
Consider this
Join support groups online. See if you can confide with loved ones and if that can help. If nothing helps, talk to a professional. Professionals can help you draw a plan and work with you towards letting go, and make you feel better.
When you are trying to let go, bear in mind to let go of what other people think as well or the need to be perfect. Like everyone else, you are only human and things happen to all of us all the time. To let go, is not to forget, but to just let it be and not engage with that memory in a way that it impedes your present. Letting go of the past will help you to embrace the present and to look forward to a promising future.