Are you really listening?
Everyone wants to be heard. There are always loud people or people who can speak well that succeed in talking. But who is listening? While we all have something to say, how often do we think “Let me listen”? Even when we think we are listening, we usually only hear as we prepare to respond.
We all know communication is a two-way process. Messages are supposed to be received as much as sent from either party. Listening to what the other is saying is as important as making our own point. However, there are too many distractions that hinder this process.
Listening is not easy
The world has become overwhelming with a huge amount of data to absorb, at any given time there are so many external distractions – from devices to people around us. And there is also the mind. Our mind is busy, there is the inner noise that deters our ability to listen.
When someone talks to us, although we have the intention to listen, our mind starts its own conversation, mostly focusing on what should be said next. For instance, if someone approaches you to share an experience they have had, even before the person has completed their thought, your mind is preparing to share an experience you think is related or you perceive that the other person is presenting you a problem and you start coming up with solutions, all the while barely listening as you’re not paying attention.
While it is easier to block external distractions, learning mindful listening is not easy as we have years of practice in doing just the opposite.
Listening can make or break relationships
In any conversation, be it among family or strangers, colleagues or external stakeholders, leaders of institutions or even nations, listening is an important skill that makes or breaks the relationships. Listening to the other person is essential for empathising. Mindfully listening to not just the words but paying attention and listening to beyond what is said, the emotions and the actual needs of the person expressing their view. By listening fully, you understand the other person better and connect at a deeper level.
Practice listening
There are many ways to inculcate a habit of listening. Not only can we learn to not get distracted by external noises but also to quiet the inner noise. These practices help in developing the skill of active listening.
- Paying attention to self: It starts with you. There are so many thoughts running in our minds constantly, and often we are oblivious to them. When there is too much noise inside, it is hardly possible to listen to the outside. Practice paying attention to yourself. Take a moment of silence and tune into yourself, and observe what’s going on within your mind. Practice mindfulness.
- 3 minutes of silence: Each time you know you are going into a discussion or a meeting, take a deep breath, silence all external distractions, and see if you can observe 3 minutes of silence.
- Enjoy a sound: Pick a monotone melody or an instrumental with a single instrument or a track with the sound of rain or flowing water, etc., that is soothing as well and listen to it as a practice. Keep bringing your attention back to it each time your mind wanders.
- Break down the sounds: Spend a few minutes every day simply listening and breaking down the sounds to their possible sources. Take a break from work and listen deeply and label all the sounds you hear – colleagues talking, keyboards clacking, music, printing. This simple exercise helps to be present and to consciously listen to all auditory inputs. It helps you become aware of sounds that distract you and the sounds that get silenced, like a bird chirping outside or traffic.
- Actively listening and responding: Enter a conversation seeking to listen actively and understand fully, by becoming more present. Engage by acknowledging with a nod or sound, and asking questions instead of being in a hurry to present your own opinion or solution.
When you listen with an intention to just listen and engage to understand what is being communicated fully, the person on the other side feels heard. This allows you to have productive conversations and to carefully respond, you also minimise conflicts or misunderstandings, and you build better relationships. It, in turn, motivates people around you to listen to you and might even result in a ripple effect where more people embrace the art of listening.