What is building resilience all about?
Resilience is often misunderstood as the ability to be unaffected by any situation and be at your best in the face of challenges, even in dire situations. It is an extremely unhealthy expectation. It is impossible to remain unaffected by unwanted change or adversities however, building resilience can help navigate them better. Let’s understand what resilience is and when is one resilient so that you can create your path to building resilience.
Understanding resilience
Resilience is “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even significant sources of stress” according to the American Psychological Association. Adversities do not discriminate. Almost anyone may face situations like failing at a task, losing a job, ending a relationship, living with chronic disease, or losing a close one to death. It is natural to feel stress and emotions such as pain, anger, fear, and disappointment at the time. More difficult the situations we are faced with, the higher the intensity of emotions. And being resilient is more about how quickly one bounces back and recovers in the face of adversity.
Traits of a resilient person
When things go wrong, thoughts hijack our minds. We give in to the thoughts as we have years of practice in letting thoughts take us where it wants – to fret over the past or about the future. And our feelings are more responses to such thoughts than the situation itself. In difficult situations, this may result in losing complete control. However, some people seem to handle situations much better than the rest of us, no matter how hard their situation seems. Let’s understand what makes such resilient people – resilient.
- Accept bad things happen: Resilient people are aware that things go wrong with everyone, and they are no exception. They realise that life is made of both happy moments and challenges. This makes them more prepared to accept their situation when something bad happens and bounce back faster.
- Aware of how they respond: Resilient people often know how they respond in face of adversity. They understand they are hurting and their current behaviour is a response to their emotion. They do not try to suppress their emotions. They feel the pain, grieve and take time before responding.
- Ask themselves if what they are doing is right: They often check if what they are doing is helping them or doing them more harm. Do I need another drink? Should I hang out with this person? Is there a better option? Is this positive or negative behaviour?
- Being grateful: While it may seem impossible to look at the bright side, many a time our thought make things seem worse than they are. Resilient people usually have the habit of looking at the positive side of their life and being grateful. This comes in handy during tough times as they look for things, they can be grateful for, hence, cope better.
- Constructive self-disclosure: Often, resilient people display the strength in telling themselves and others about their life struggles and their learnings, reiterating to themselves how they can overcome a difficult situation. This is more a constructive way of looking at a difficult past and drawing strength from them.
- Taking control: As they are aware of their emotions and how they respond, resilient people take their time in feeling despair. This gives them better control of how they navigate through a bad situation and prepare themselves to move on or try to solve problems when it may seem impossible. And come out stronger.
- Building meaningful connections: We are social beings and we need meaningful connections. Resilient people weave themselves social connections from which they draw meaning, which also become a source of strength in the long run.
- Asking for help: They are known to help out people around them and they do not hesitate to seek help when they need it.
We become what we practice. If you give into worrying all the time then that is what you practice and you become an expert worrier. To become resilient, you need to practice acceptance, awareness, gratitude, positive thinking and more. Introspect often. Mindfulness meditation and exercises are recommended for building resilience. Working on your signature strengths can help according to Psychologist Martin P Seligman. You could also seek professional help to get started on resilience training for effective results.
Building resilience – start small and go easy on yourself
Practice mindfulness and choose an activity that helps you feel good. Choosing to do something for the sake of the joy it gives as opposed to it reducing stress, will allow you to focus on a meaningful pursuit rather than stress itself. So, finding your path to building resilience should be through meaningful pursuits. It could be exercise, meditation, engaging in community service, helping your peers, gardening, travelling, or learning music or art. Take your pick, start small and go easy on yourself.